And then

And then he calms down and I calm down, holding him close and giving him all my love and support and being. And then I put him in the pram and I fight for a while with a rain cover, I put trainers and we go. And then there is the same woman in a lift, same as yesterday and she says it's such a hard work, isn't it. And then I smile and nod and she asks how he sleeps at night and I say that pretty awesome, he just wakes up to eat and goes back to sleep. She says  that I'm lucky. And then I say I know, count your blessings, right? 

And then we go to the shop and I buy flowers for myself, I buy eggs, rhubarb, flour and I will bake a cake.

And then we go back home and I put headphones on and I hear "At last" by Etta and I cry( thanks for the rain, Mother Nature) because its such a perfect song for this moment and it's almost like from the film. And then it becomes t r u l y like from a film- there's guy in white suit on a monocycle and woman in red suit on those high wooden legs. And then I die inside- it's worth to get out to see miracles like this and I'm happy I have a child because when he grows a little bit up I won't have to be shy anymore to ask man on a monocycle to take a picture with us.

And then it all gets fucked up again. 

And then it's get better.